I blogged yesterday about the neighbor across the street, and that I was going to make Mac & Cheese for the family. Well, I did. I didn't want, expect or need anything for it. I did it because it's what I felt I should do.
Today, I went shopping (more about that in a bit). When I got home, and after the girls got off the bus, I was sitting here at my computer catching up on some emails. Not long after the girls came in, the doorbell rang. When I answered it, it was the wife of the gentleman that had passed, and their older son.
As I opened the door, I was met with, not a just a smile, but a warm hug and words of thanks and appreciation. As we introduced ourselves (because, remember, aside from waving across the street and saying "good morning" as we passed one another, we were strangers), they continued to thank me. I was awed by their strength, their acceptance of what had happened, and their grace.
Their coming over made me feel so good, not because I need or wanted recognition, but because it opened a door, a dialogue. In some ways, this has made us more neighbors than we were previously. I won't deny that it made me feel good to know that they appreciated the thought, but that wasn't the most important thing. The important thing was that, in a moment when their world is upside down, they were given comfort.
When you do something like this, too, for someone you don't really know, you aren't always sure that it will be met with the intentions you had in doing it. Some people don't want anyone to interfere into their lives, don't want to open themselves up to sharing their grief or pain. It's not always easy to accept help, of any sort, with grace. Believe me, this is something I know all too well.
And yet, the compliments I received, I don't see them as compliments to me, as much as I see them as compliments to my parents. What I did, I did because it's how I was raised. I was raised to be caring and compassionate, to provide when I can, to do everything in my power to help ease suffering. Sometimes I don't do the things I feel I should because there's too much risk to it - picking up a hitchhiker, offering shelter to a stranger - and I always feel guilty. But I do what I can, and I try to make my parents proud.
I do these things, too, to teach my daughters the lessons I was taught. I strive to instill in them a sense of goodwill and responsibility towards those that need us, for whatever reason. I hope that, when they're grown and on their own, that I get a call someday saying, "Mom, you got the nicest compliment today...."
Friday, December 2, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
May The Circle Be Unbroken
Our neighbor across the street died last night. Lung cancer. Very sad.
I hadn't formally met the man; we've only been here since August, and in that time I have been swamped with health issues of my own. However, anytime he was outside on his porch, he smiled and waved, and I've said "good morning" to his two grown sons every day as I walk the kids to school.
When the police, firetruck and ambulance showed up last night, I knew something had happened. I suspected that he had passed away, but hoped that he was just in need of the hospital. Being the Southern girl that I am, when I saw all the other neighbors outside, I went and joined them. That's when I found out that he had, in fact, died.
We all stood about, talking, and generally just being there. We stayed out of the family's way, in front of our own yards instead of theirs, visible, though, letting them know we were there, and they were in our thoughts.
Of course, the first thing that popped into my mind when I found out what had happened was, "I need to go make macaroni and cheese casserole." A true testament to my heritage and background, the first thing that entered my mind was feeding the family. The first food that entered my mind was baked mac & cheese.
You see, where I come from, and from what I understand, in the rest of The South, food is what we do for the grieving. It's what I've always known. I'll never forget, I was back home when my Papa died (also of lung cancer), and as soon as he had been taken to the funeral home, people started showing up with casserole dishes, baskets of biscuits and buckets of fried chicken.
It's just The Southern Way, and more than any words, it conveys our sorrow, our solidarity, and our love. It's what Southern women have been doing for generations. It's what I feel the overwhelming need to do.
So off to the grocery I go - I need to pick up a toss away pan and some elbow noodles; I have some comfort to make.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Just another day in paradise....
Ah, it's beautiful here in New Orleans. Bright, blue sky, no clouds. The air is crisp, humidity is low. The leaves are falling, adding a colorful pop to the landscape. Everything outside is just lovely, and it brightens the mood a bit. I'm loving having a bit of seasonal change this year!
We've been here in New Orleans (well, Kenner, but that means nothing to people who don't know the area...) for a little over three months now, and boy has it been busy! We started off here with Heather in the hospital, and discovering that she has a bit of a kidney issue. Then, I got in to an endocrinologist to get back on thyroid medications, only to find out that my thyroid cancer is active again. So, I quickly learned how to get around three different hospitals in a very short space of time! However, treatment for both of us is under way, and hopefully things will be right soon.
We're really settling in, too. The girls are starting to love their school and make friends - Aliceon was named student of the year, and Heather already has a boyfriend! Hans is enjoying work, even if it is challenging at times. Me, well, I'm me. I'm trying to make friends, but it's always a slow go. It'll come, though - it always does.
That's not to say that we don't miss everyone in Florida - we do, so very, very much - but such is our life as a construction family. The downside is that we have to say goodbye to friends every few years, but the upside is that we have so many friends in so many places, and have made lifelong connections that, if we weren't as nomadic as we are, we never would have met. Friends that have been there with, and for, us through some great times, and through some tough times. Friends that we will always love. Friends that are more "family" than "friend."
But I digress - forgive me, my brain is bouncing around inside my head like a rogue rubber ball!
So anyway, since we've been here, things have been moving quickly, and the unpacking/setting up house hasn't gotten done as quickly as I would like, but it's getting there. Right now I'm working on getting the family room completely finished. It's unpacked, however there's nothing organized on the shelves, with the exception of one bookcase. We're also getting the dining room set up, because we're hosting the holidays here this year. I'm excited about that, too!
Today is cleaning and unpacking. Trying to get it all done while running a busy household isn't easy, but I think I'm up to the challenge! Marathoning today, then tonight, it's off to the French Quarter for a Christmas Tree Lighting with the girls, Hans and his parents.
Settling in. Yep, we're getting there! Just another day in the paradise of our making.
We've been here in New Orleans (well, Kenner, but that means nothing to people who don't know the area...) for a little over three months now, and boy has it been busy! We started off here with Heather in the hospital, and discovering that she has a bit of a kidney issue. Then, I got in to an endocrinologist to get back on thyroid medications, only to find out that my thyroid cancer is active again. So, I quickly learned how to get around three different hospitals in a very short space of time! However, treatment for both of us is under way, and hopefully things will be right soon.
We're really settling in, too. The girls are starting to love their school and make friends - Aliceon was named student of the year, and Heather already has a boyfriend! Hans is enjoying work, even if it is challenging at times. Me, well, I'm me. I'm trying to make friends, but it's always a slow go. It'll come, though - it always does.
That's not to say that we don't miss everyone in Florida - we do, so very, very much - but such is our life as a construction family. The downside is that we have to say goodbye to friends every few years, but the upside is that we have so many friends in so many places, and have made lifelong connections that, if we weren't as nomadic as we are, we never would have met. Friends that have been there with, and for, us through some great times, and through some tough times. Friends that we will always love. Friends that are more "family" than "friend."
But I digress - forgive me, my brain is bouncing around inside my head like a rogue rubber ball!
So anyway, since we've been here, things have been moving quickly, and the unpacking/setting up house hasn't gotten done as quickly as I would like, but it's getting there. Right now I'm working on getting the family room completely finished. It's unpacked, however there's nothing organized on the shelves, with the exception of one bookcase. We're also getting the dining room set up, because we're hosting the holidays here this year. I'm excited about that, too!
Today is cleaning and unpacking. Trying to get it all done while running a busy household isn't easy, but I think I'm up to the challenge! Marathoning today, then tonight, it's off to the French Quarter for a Christmas Tree Lighting with the girls, Hans and his parents.
Settling in. Yep, we're getting there! Just another day in the paradise of our making.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Fly Me To The Moon
We've truly been here - in the house, with our stuff - for a month now. No, the house isn't completely unpacked, but it is now unpacked and settled to a point that it feels like home. We've also celebrated our first family holiday here - our 11th wedding anniversary. I think that we're really feeling like we're home, finally! I'm not nearly as overwhelmed as I was even last week. There's still a lot to do, but there's so much that has been accomplished. Hans has worked so hard to make things "ours," too, which is always a big deal. And we have a working freezer! Yay!
Here's to getting the last of the settling completed in the next two weeks!
Here's to getting the last of the settling completed in the next two weeks!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
I just want to live happily ever after every now and then....
This week has been a challenging one. Last weekend, we were housebound by Tropical Storm Lee. We didn't sustain any damage, and the yard got a much needed thorough soaking, so that was good. We also got a lot done inside the house, so that was another plus! But by the time Tuesday rolled around, everyone was ready to get out. Thankfully, Tuesday also brought cooler temperatures and lower humidity, which lifted morale. Tuesday also brought, though, the loss of a new friend to cancer, which pretty much cancelled out any happy in the day.
Beyond that, there were battles with the school (resolved!), battles with the doctor's office (partially resolved) and battles with the appliance retailer who is supposed to be fixing our freezer (possibly solved, but remains to be seen). Then, of course, there was all the normal mundane weekly stuff - trying to stay on top of housekeeping while also unpacking, homework, errands. Throw in two days of migraine, one of which had me in bed much of the day, and well, it was just challenging.
The week ended on a positive note, though - yesterday, things were accomplished, and we have a family room, kitchen, pantry and hall closet, all between 90 and 100% set up. It would have been done sooner, but I keep finding boxes for for rooms in odd places - a box of our bed linens, unmarked, in the dining room. A box for the kitchen in the guest room. A couple of garage boxes in the family room... It tends to slow the unpacking just a bit, because you think you have a room done - it's cleared of boxes! - only to find more for that room elsewhere, so you have to rearrange things in that room yet again.
Still, last night was much more comfortable. Hans worked late, but since the girls hadn't seen him since Wednesday morning, we waited dinner on him (it was Friday, after all!), and all ate together in the family room while watching Eureka. After dinner, we stood around the kitchen, munching pineapple as Hans cut it. It was happy. It was relaxing. It was so very necessary to all of our sanity.
When you move, you tend to get so caught up in all the things that have to be done, that sometimes you forget to stop and just be. That's happened a lot more than usual to me this move. Of course, this move has been so different for me than any of our previous relocations - this is the first time I have had to put a kid in the hospital, the first time I've had to immediately register kids for school, and the first time that Hans didn't move before us, getting some of the less fun bits out of the way beforehand. It was a bit like being used to easing into a warm pool from the shallow end, and suddenly being told that, this time, the water's 50 degrees, and you have to jump straight into the 8 ft section - it's getting done, but there was a period of shock where I just flailed around while trying to adjust.
Still, I think we're getting to a place of normalcy. We have a semblance of a routine. The kids are settling into school. They're beginning to make friends, and while I may not be making friends as such just yet, I am at least talking to people in the neighborhood and at school. Hans is back to being the Hans I know - working, slightly harried, but happier, more even keeled. Marriage is feeling more like a partnership and less like a job again. Things are much better, even if not perfect.
That's what we all strive for, isn't it? No one expects life to truly be fairy tale. We know that Prince Charming ends up with a soft midsection and gnarly toenails, and that Cinderella sometimes has a giant pimple, frizzed hair and pounds that just won't come off. But still, the happy is there. The love is there. You can look at each other and say, "yeah, we're older now, we're different now, but look at what we've come through together, and look at what we get to look forward to!" Like a friend, who just celebrated her second wedding anniversary, posted on her Facebook page, marriage is a series of valleys and peaks, and while the peaks are awesome and the valleys are tough, it's the valleys that make the peaks peaks (I'm paraphrasing a bit here - I hope, if she reads this, she'll forgive me!).
Next week we'll celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary. We're in our fifth home since getting married, sixth since meeting 13 years ago. And, while we're so different than we were back then, one thing's the same - I still feel the "happily ever after," even if it's only moments here and there. It's the moments of happily ever after, and the days and weeks of happily right now that make it all work. It's the knowing that, while not every moment is full of romance and passion, there is still romance and passion there.
So like Uncle Jimmy sings:
Take it from me cuz I found
If you leave it then somebody else is bound
To find that treasure, that moment of pleasure
When yours, it could have been
Some people never find it
Some... only pretend, but me:
I just want to live happily ever after every now and then
Beyond that, there were battles with the school (resolved!), battles with the doctor's office (partially resolved) and battles with the appliance retailer who is supposed to be fixing our freezer (possibly solved, but remains to be seen). Then, of course, there was all the normal mundane weekly stuff - trying to stay on top of housekeeping while also unpacking, homework, errands. Throw in two days of migraine, one of which had me in bed much of the day, and well, it was just challenging.
The week ended on a positive note, though - yesterday, things were accomplished, and we have a family room, kitchen, pantry and hall closet, all between 90 and 100% set up. It would have been done sooner, but I keep finding boxes for for rooms in odd places - a box of our bed linens, unmarked, in the dining room. A box for the kitchen in the guest room. A couple of garage boxes in the family room... It tends to slow the unpacking just a bit, because you think you have a room done - it's cleared of boxes! - only to find more for that room elsewhere, so you have to rearrange things in that room yet again.
Still, last night was much more comfortable. Hans worked late, but since the girls hadn't seen him since Wednesday morning, we waited dinner on him (it was Friday, after all!), and all ate together in the family room while watching Eureka. After dinner, we stood around the kitchen, munching pineapple as Hans cut it. It was happy. It was relaxing. It was so very necessary to all of our sanity.
When you move, you tend to get so caught up in all the things that have to be done, that sometimes you forget to stop and just be. That's happened a lot more than usual to me this move. Of course, this move has been so different for me than any of our previous relocations - this is the first time I have had to put a kid in the hospital, the first time I've had to immediately register kids for school, and the first time that Hans didn't move before us, getting some of the less fun bits out of the way beforehand. It was a bit like being used to easing into a warm pool from the shallow end, and suddenly being told that, this time, the water's 50 degrees, and you have to jump straight into the 8 ft section - it's getting done, but there was a period of shock where I just flailed around while trying to adjust.
Still, I think we're getting to a place of normalcy. We have a semblance of a routine. The kids are settling into school. They're beginning to make friends, and while I may not be making friends as such just yet, I am at least talking to people in the neighborhood and at school. Hans is back to being the Hans I know - working, slightly harried, but happier, more even keeled. Marriage is feeling more like a partnership and less like a job again. Things are much better, even if not perfect.
That's what we all strive for, isn't it? No one expects life to truly be fairy tale. We know that Prince Charming ends up with a soft midsection and gnarly toenails, and that Cinderella sometimes has a giant pimple, frizzed hair and pounds that just won't come off. But still, the happy is there. The love is there. You can look at each other and say, "yeah, we're older now, we're different now, but look at what we've come through together, and look at what we get to look forward to!" Like a friend, who just celebrated her second wedding anniversary, posted on her Facebook page, marriage is a series of valleys and peaks, and while the peaks are awesome and the valleys are tough, it's the valleys that make the peaks peaks (I'm paraphrasing a bit here - I hope, if she reads this, she'll forgive me!).
Next week we'll celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary. We're in our fifth home since getting married, sixth since meeting 13 years ago. And, while we're so different than we were back then, one thing's the same - I still feel the "happily ever after," even if it's only moments here and there. It's the moments of happily ever after, and the days and weeks of happily right now that make it all work. It's the knowing that, while not every moment is full of romance and passion, there is still romance and passion there.
So like Uncle Jimmy sings:
Take it from me cuz I found
If you leave it then somebody else is bound
To find that treasure, that moment of pleasure
When yours, it could have been
Some people never find it
Some... only pretend, but me:
I just want to live happily ever after every now and then
Friday, August 26, 2011
Trying to reason with hurricane season....
To those of you that have been reading, I apologize for the absence. Things got a little insane there for a bit. First I was back in Orlando to meet the packers and movers to get the house there loaded and moved to the new house here. Then, everything was coming about 4 days earlier than we had been planned, so I had to rush back here to meet the movers (I literally was on the road with them, passing them twice - once in Pensacola and once in Mobile - under the Mobile Bay, to be exact!!). Because of the change in delivery, Hans hadn't had a chance to get internet hooked up yet, and the internet at the hotel didn't like talking to my laptop.
It didn't end there - I arrived on Thursday night, August 4th. Our belongings arrived on Friday, August 5th. on Sunday, August 7th, Heather started getting sick, running a fever and unable to keep anything down, and on Monday, August 8th, she was admitted to the hospital. We ended up having to stay in the hospital until that Friday, August 12th, with a final diagnosis of severe recurrent pyelonephritis (kidney infection). So, I lost, essentially, a week of unpacking/set up time. Then, on August 15, the kids started school, and on that day we also started a string of doctor's appointments for Heather to figure out what exactly is going on with her body, along with all the meetings at school to get everything set up for both Heather and Aliceon for the year!
So, yeah, it's been a bit crazy, and there just hasn't been down time for getting on the computer. I've checked in on Facebook, but only from my phone, for the most part. Things are starting to sort themselves out a bit, now, though. The kitchen is working now (though there are still a few things I need to find/unpack), the kids rooms are functional, as is our room, though not fully unpacked. Of course, part of the reason for that is that we're still figuring out where things are going!
I'm loving being a stay at home mom, too. This is the first time I've been a SAHM with both kids in school. Before Hans was laid off, I was a SAHM, but Heather was home, and I spent my weeks running her to therapy appointments and myself to doctor's appointments. This time around I'm making it a point to try to have dinner ready for Hans when he gets home, keeping the laundry up (though I'm failing at that a bit) and ironing and starching Hans' work shirts. I'm finding, too, that I'm really enjoying it, although living among these boxes is still making me anxious. Soon, though, it will all be done!
So that's what's going on through the window. Still integrating, but finding my Southern roots again, while learning that Louisiana is a different animal all together than Georgia!
It didn't end there - I arrived on Thursday night, August 4th. Our belongings arrived on Friday, August 5th. on Sunday, August 7th, Heather started getting sick, running a fever and unable to keep anything down, and on Monday, August 8th, she was admitted to the hospital. We ended up having to stay in the hospital until that Friday, August 12th, with a final diagnosis of severe recurrent pyelonephritis (kidney infection). So, I lost, essentially, a week of unpacking/set up time. Then, on August 15, the kids started school, and on that day we also started a string of doctor's appointments for Heather to figure out what exactly is going on with her body, along with all the meetings at school to get everything set up for both Heather and Aliceon for the year!
So, yeah, it's been a bit crazy, and there just hasn't been down time for getting on the computer. I've checked in on Facebook, but only from my phone, for the most part. Things are starting to sort themselves out a bit, now, though. The kitchen is working now (though there are still a few things I need to find/unpack), the kids rooms are functional, as is our room, though not fully unpacked. Of course, part of the reason for that is that we're still figuring out where things are going!
I'm loving being a stay at home mom, too. This is the first time I've been a SAHM with both kids in school. Before Hans was laid off, I was a SAHM, but Heather was home, and I spent my weeks running her to therapy appointments and myself to doctor's appointments. This time around I'm making it a point to try to have dinner ready for Hans when he gets home, keeping the laundry up (though I'm failing at that a bit) and ironing and starching Hans' work shirts. I'm finding, too, that I'm really enjoying it, although living among these boxes is still making me anxious. Soon, though, it will all be done!
So that's what's going on through the window. Still integrating, but finding my Southern roots again, while learning that Louisiana is a different animal all together than Georgia!
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Get that Packard up and let's move!
Moving - the great game of "hurry up and wait." You sit around, puttering, thinking of all the things that need to be done, but that you really can't do until plans are set in motion. So you do what you think you can, find little odd jobs, do the minor stuff, waiting for the calls. Then, the wheels are put in motion, and suddenly it's all rush, rush, rush! Nothing happening, then everything at once!
Tuesday afternoon, Hans called the relo company to find out what was going on with the movers, since we hadn't heard from them yet. Good thing he did, too - seems a few wires had gotten crossed, and someone said they had spoken with us when they hadn't. So he got that all sorted and was told that someone would be in touch.
Yesterday he got the call from them making "initial contact." Lots of conversation, but no firm dates or times. Finally, after about four calls coordinating this, that and the other (he was sweet enough to tell them to call him, not me, unless absolutely necessary, since I freak out when my phone rings!), we got some dates set....
Someone will be here tomorrow - Friday - to go through the house with us and estimate how big the load is going to be, and how long it will take to pack. Usually, they give you dates then. However, because we're a rush move, they had already given us the packing/loading dates of August first, second and third. Not quite the dates we had hoped for, but it works out well enough. However, we still don't know for sure when they'll be delivering. They could deliver the third/fourth, or it could be some other date.
So now we're running around doing the final things that need to be done before the movers come - we have today and tomorrow, maybe Saturday morning, to do them - and getting it all squared away. That also means setting the dates for utility cut offs, service stops, mail stops, etc, none of which could be done until we knew when we'd be out of the house.
The stinky part of it all is that we get the girls back on the Saturday before the movers come, and I will have to come back here that Sunday to meet the movers, so I'll essentially get a few hours with the girls, then drive from NOLA to Winter Garden for 3-5 days (depending on how long it takes them to pack and load and takes me to clean and drive) after having not seen them for a month. Plus, we've had to ask Hans' mom, who is in the middle of her own move/renovation, to watch the girls that week I'll be gone, because Hans will already be working at that point.
Of course, this is the norm, especially with this type of move - nothing happening, then everything at once, so none of it was surprising. Stressful, yes; surprising, no. Still the wheels are in motion, and we have something to work towards. There's motivation to actually do the things that need to be done because we're no longer holding off, wondering if we're going to be stuck for weeks without belongings or what have you.
Now it's time to head out and give the lawn one last mow, take out the trash, and finish packing the flammables. Today is going to be a full day, tomorrow even moreso. Here's hoping this ol' body holds out as long as I need her to, too!
Yep, time to head out with my tin cup chalice to toast this house goodbye....
Tuesday afternoon, Hans called the relo company to find out what was going on with the movers, since we hadn't heard from them yet. Good thing he did, too - seems a few wires had gotten crossed, and someone said they had spoken with us when they hadn't. So he got that all sorted and was told that someone would be in touch.
Yesterday he got the call from them making "initial contact." Lots of conversation, but no firm dates or times. Finally, after about four calls coordinating this, that and the other (he was sweet enough to tell them to call him, not me, unless absolutely necessary, since I freak out when my phone rings!), we got some dates set....
Someone will be here tomorrow - Friday - to go through the house with us and estimate how big the load is going to be, and how long it will take to pack. Usually, they give you dates then. However, because we're a rush move, they had already given us the packing/loading dates of August first, second and third. Not quite the dates we had hoped for, but it works out well enough. However, we still don't know for sure when they'll be delivering. They could deliver the third/fourth, or it could be some other date.
So now we're running around doing the final things that need to be done before the movers come - we have today and tomorrow, maybe Saturday morning, to do them - and getting it all squared away. That also means setting the dates for utility cut offs, service stops, mail stops, etc, none of which could be done until we knew when we'd be out of the house.
The stinky part of it all is that we get the girls back on the Saturday before the movers come, and I will have to come back here that Sunday to meet the movers, so I'll essentially get a few hours with the girls, then drive from NOLA to Winter Garden for 3-5 days (depending on how long it takes them to pack and load and takes me to clean and drive) after having not seen them for a month. Plus, we've had to ask Hans' mom, who is in the middle of her own move/renovation, to watch the girls that week I'll be gone, because Hans will already be working at that point.
Of course, this is the norm, especially with this type of move - nothing happening, then everything at once, so none of it was surprising. Stressful, yes; surprising, no. Still the wheels are in motion, and we have something to work towards. There's motivation to actually do the things that need to be done because we're no longer holding off, wondering if we're going to be stuck for weeks without belongings or what have you.
Now it's time to head out and give the lawn one last mow, take out the trash, and finish packing the flammables. Today is going to be a full day, tomorrow even moreso. Here's hoping this ol' body holds out as long as I need her to, too!
Yep, time to head out with my tin cup chalice to toast this house goodbye....
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