Last night, Hans and I were going through some stuff in his office, looking for this, that and the other, and I came across a file of things to be saved. In the file were some things that just made my little heart smile so big - a card a slipped into his suitcase while he was travelling out of town so often, a ticket stub from when we went to the Butchart Gardens in British Columbia on our last vacation, pictures my cousin Craig sent us from his tour in Bosnia years ago, a negative of a picture of me from college. Tucked in together was a letter from me, and a letter from an old girlfriend of his. I made a passing comment - something to the effect of, "Oh look, a letter from So & So and a letter from me together..." - nothing derogatory or negative, and he started to explain. I stopped him - no reason to explain. She's part of the past, I'm past and future, and it doesn't bother me at all. Heck, I have letters like that myself - not many, but a couple to remind me of long ago.
It's funny, though. Before the last three years, I probably would have been upset. With this move, and what has lead to it, I have found a new me. I don't know if it's because the last five years have been filled with so many difficult things for us to face as a couple, or just a sign of me growing more secure in my own skin, but it truly did not bother me at all to see that lone letter semi stuck to one from me. I actually found it kind of sweet to see a little sentimentality from a man who is not known for such - a side of him that others almost never see, and that even I rarely see.
It's interesting how moving can show you these things. When you move, you go through your belongings, sifting through what's important and what isn't, what you must keep and what's tossable. While we're probably more pack-rat-like than many, the number of moves we've made over the years has also urged us to purge more than some people - even when someone else comes to pack your belongings for you, you still have to unpack them at the other end, so you clean out the flotsam and jetsam of day to day life that holds little meaning, and keep what has more.
There are some things that you just can't let go of, for whatever reason, and then there are some things that you look at, you remember why you were keeping it, and decide that the reasoning isn't strong enough to continue holding on. I think that relationships are a lot like that, too. Moving as much as we have, we've learned to sift through the friends, family and acquaintances in our lives, keeping those that matter most and often, for whatever reason, losing touch with ones that were never meant to be forever. As we're leaving here, there's a part of me that is sad to be leaving some of these people, because I know the relationships won't last beyond the first few months of separation. It's just the way it is. But there's another part of me that isn't worried, because the ones that truly matter, the friends that are more family than acquaintance, will always be a part of us, and we'll never lose them. We'll miss them, but we will see them again.
I love that Hans saved those letters, both of them. And I love that he's part of my life that will always be there.
No comments:
Post a Comment